HOW YOU CAN CARE FOR NEW MUMS AND DADS - tips for caring for your friends and family with perinatal anxiety and depression
When someone in your family or one of your friends has a new baby it can be a very exciting time. You get to go over and give lots of hugs, buy cute baby clothes and toys for the baby. All the attention goes to these little bundles of joy.
But what about the parents????
Many generous people offer their help by cooking food, cleaning and helping to take care of the baby but don’t forget to check in with both parents. This is a big change to their lives!
The Osteopaths at Osteo 4 Families have children of their own or have friends with children and understand the big change the arrival of a baby can make to everyone’s lives.
We also understand that sometimes you are in your own little bubble when you become a parent and miss things even about yourself.
As a friend or family member you may notice things before the parents do and that is why you are so valuable to both new parents.
One of the things you may notice is a change in behavior which is a bit more than just baby blues. It’s important to look for any signs of perinatal anxiety and depression in both parents!
What is perinatal anxiety and depression?
Perinatal is the time period from conception to a year after birth. Anxiety is when feelings of stress, worry or anxiousness are ongoing and don't stop, even when the stressful event has finished. Depression is when low moods or sadness is experienced intensely for long periods of time.
Left untreated, perinatal anxiety and depression can have a devastating impact on parents, partners, baby and the rest of the family. In the worst cases, lives can even be put at risk.
Who does it affect?
Perinatal anxiety and depression is a serious and common illness. The illness affects around 100,000 families across Australia every year.
Up to 1 in 10 expecting or new mums and 1 in 20 expecting or new dads will experience perinatal anxiety and depression.
Factors that can contribute to developing perinatal anxiety and depression
History of anxiety and depression
Family history of mental illness
Previous reproductive loss
Complex pregnancy
Traumatic birth
Sick or premature baby
Sleep deprivation
Challenges with the baby
Relationship stress
Financial stress
Physical illness
What signs do you look for?
· Feeling sad, low, or crying for no obvious reason
· Persistent, generalised worry, often focused on fears for the health or well-being of your baby
· Being nervous, ‘on edge’, or panicky
· Being easily annoyed or irritated
· Withdrawing from friends and family
· Difficulties sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping
· Abrupt mood swings
· Feeling constantly tired and lacking energy
· Physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting, cold sweats, lack of appetite
· Having little or no interest in the things that normally bring you joy
· Fear of being alone or with others
· Finding it difficult to focus, concentrate or remember
· Increased alcohol or drug use
· Panic attacks (racing heart, palpitations, shortness of breath, shaking or feeling physically ‘detached’ from your surroundings)
· Developing obsessive or compulsive behaviors
· Thoughts of death, suicide or harming your baby.
Isn’t it normal to have some of these feelings during pregnancy and after birth?
Having a certain degree of trouble adjusting to the changes that come with pregnancy and becoming a parent as well as when you now have the responsibility of a little baby that just arrived is natural.
If these feelings of low mood, anxiety, withdrawal stop new or expecting parents from being able to function normally or cause concern for more than 2 weeks then they may be experiencing perinatal anxiety and depression.
Adjusting to the challenges of becoming a new parent
It’s a time of many emotions, both positive and negative and with challenges of changing routine, changing demands on yourself, recovering after birth, changing relationships with yourself and those around you and then day to day activities which continue such as bills and household jobs.
Here’s some tips which may help
Have realistic expectations and not those from social media
Don’t be overwhelmed by all the parenting information out there, trust your own ability to learn things over time
Learn through experience and be ok with that
Have one trusted source of information such as your GP or nurse or supportive family or friend
Take care of yourself including taking time out for you
Look for support in the community - local play groups, counselling, parenting support groups, maternal and child health nurses
How can I support a family member or friend with perinatal anxiety or depression?
Listen to them, especially when they are talking about difficult feelings
Ask them what they think they need
Don’t rush in to try and fix things and make it better or take over
Give practical help and emotional support
Encourage them to talk to the GP, midwife, nurse or use the PANDA services
Focus on getting better and not making any big decisions at this time
Seek help and practical support from friends and family
Take care of yourself, when you are taking care of others
If you suspect someone is struggling more than they need to be, reach out and offer support or assist them to get the support they need.
Where to get help
PANDA’s National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Helpline 1300 726 306 9am – 7.30pm Mon – Fri (AEST/AEDT)
There is also important and up-to-date information about perinatal anxiety and depression and postnatal psychosis on PANDA’s websites:
Your doctor, psychologist or other trusted health professional
If you require urgent support, have thoughts of suicide, feel unsafe or a risk to saftey of others you can visit your Local hospital emergency department or call 000 for an ambulance. Many people don’t realise that mental health emergencies are an important reason to ring for an ambulance just as a physical emergency is.
Footnotes: www.panda.org.au
Written by Mariella Berry